ahh. ramadhan.. u finally came. welcome2! wow. on d 6th day of ramadhan, m still standing. hehe. i love fasting, never had been a problem to me before, not eating all day, cuz im used to it evendoe i have gastric.. i dunno, during fasting season my gastric rarely act up. mybe dats d way god is helpin me to get tru ramadhan.. im d kind of a person that loves to eat, but sumtyms wen im bz, i forgot to eat d whole day. but when i finally ate, i eat like a monster. i eat anytin in sight, literally. lol.
nothing much happened to me lately. juz moved back to shah alam last friday.. so now im stayin in shah alam for good.. finally found a house-to-rent with my frens. ppl asked me diz, shera, ur fam home is in shah alam, so y d hell do u need a house to rent?? haha i get tired n i do sometime felt silly n slightly embarrassed to answer it. but i answer them anyways. i have plenty of reasons, but the main is for studying purposes lah.. u see, i had stayed in boarding school, hostels etc for 7 years. my family home feels more to a 2nd home to me. i get so used to d idea that coming home during holidays is to relax, no books, no studying or such, that until now i cannot at all study at home. haiya.. it's true. it had been proven that during my 3 years of doing my degree, i have went back n forth to my fren's house in apartmen Ilham just to study. so that lesson, i learnt it well. This time around i tink its better that i live by myself.. heck my house is juz nearby, i'll be home most of the time anyways right. luckily my parents understood my reasons diz time around. tq mama n baba =D so i'll be staying in padang jawa after this. call me up ppl to lepak or anytin, its on!! LOL
so, i have a week's off before starting in HTAR on d 23rd.. nervous and anxious as to their acceptance of us MSU students being there. i do hope d specialists n doctors are good, friendly n helpful to us. I really wanted to learn from them, but when they started to be i dunno, cocky or watsoever, it such a turn off n i juz tried to get away as far as i can from them. well, human reflexes. haha.
life had been slow.. been doing alot of tinkin as to my love life. I'm really baffled. the past experiences wit Z was really traumatizing. i have been in a lot of relationships, and when it ended it left me juz fine. but this one leave me shaken and scared. i felt so insecure and not sure of my judgement anymore. i question my actions. i tried to move forward, but being close to someone made me hold back, and afraid to take d next step. i dunno, i dun feel anytin for him anymore. but d trauma still lingers. i hope i can get over it soon, as i dun wan to hurt other ppl in my life as to this problem. they dun deserve it. not from me.
Emil, my devil, finally learn to say no to him. i learn that some people are bad for u, no matter how much u love them. so u gotta leave before it got toxic, poisoning your system, and draining u to your death. if u get lucky u may be able to be resurrected, but u dun get second chances that often. so i leave when i can.. i do love him, and i am worried about him everyday. but sometimes u juz have to go and never look back.. I was just a play thing to him anyway, so y bother right. bye2 my handsome devil. i hope life treated u well, n u will finally find the peace and love that u r looking for to fill your hollow, empty soul. goodbye =)
As I look and reflect at my life, and the past events that had occurred, i juz can't help thinking. how the hell do I get here? why did things turn out the way they did? so many questions runnin tru this thick skull of mine. but this is all the results of the choices i made, and I have to live with it. But heck, life is about taking risks, and I had done my fair share. i have tried, some I have succeed, some end up with me crashed and burnt. Some i do regretted it, some I don't.. that's life right?
so I'm beginning a new chapter. I am hoping to a better life and working for a better future.. I'm not going to make resolutions anymore as I never stick to them. so I'm doing this one step at a time, taking it slow n just following the flow. the battle is over, but the war hadn't ended yet. n life is just one episode of a battle after another. another day we r up against new challenges. so good luck to me, n to others to with your battles. i hope we all will triumph. i pray we will.
so this is it for me. waiting still for sahur.. but signing off as i can't stand staring at this lappy anymore. eyesore. hehe.. till nex time, adios!
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